Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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