Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
