My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
a search helicopter?!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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