Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
