i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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