I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
