Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
