i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize