My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
