No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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