my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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