Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
