Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
