So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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