Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
