if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Never underestimate the power of titties
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
