Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
