Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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