Swine flu. Run for my life!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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