its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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