note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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