Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
