i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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