I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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