Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
