About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
