I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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