this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
