If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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