There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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