dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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