My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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