No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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