You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
soo... how was my night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize