Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
