so that wasnt chicken after all
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think people are normalizing furries
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
