I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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