I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
