no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
