Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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