I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
