There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
