once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
