: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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