sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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