Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
