just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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