He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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