this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
