This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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