Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
