Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
