i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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