I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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