I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
