Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
