but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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