I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
