Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
