I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
