Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
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