Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
